A sure sign that I am onto something wonderful is that I get easily distracted from what it takes to get me there. The greater the destination, the more beautiful and distracting what lies along the path becomes.
I set the goal yesterday that I will read one chapter of a book and write 500 words per day of my own, no matter what. It is 8:30 pm and I’ve been “getting ready” to write my 500 words since I got up this morning.
These are the first words I’ve written. First I drank some fluids, my usual water, then coffee, then herbal tea. Then I showered. Then I practiced self-care, practiced meditation with elements of crystals, salt, water, plant oils, movement and prayer. Then I had lunch with my significant other and Neptune the dog. Then I wanted to get out of the house, so I went to the nearest bookstore and purchased a yearly planner.
Yay for procrastination, planners are 60% off in mid-January. The clerk didn’t find my positive procrastination observation amusing.
Then I took my dog for a long walk because the sun was out and we have missed so many due to weather. We both feel better now. Then I wrote in my new planner. Then I heated up delicious spicy noodles and savored every bite. With the planner, I also bought a coloring book. So of course I pulled out my markers and colored 2 pages, while trying to connect with the spiritual voice that guides my words. I was still hungry so I ate a salad after I colored. I spared you a few details, because you see it all ends in a day well-spent distracted from the goal I set for myself that I know will get me to the place I want to be.
I had a lovely day. Did it get me closer to where I am going? Yes and no.
Chronologically, I am closer to tomorrow. Self-caring, meditating, eating well, going for a walk with my dog and spending time with loved ones makes a beautiful, healthy life.
Yet, my actions today haven’t yet brought me closer to my dream of being a respected coach and author.
I have kneaded beautiful things into my life. I’ve been slow to knead the change I want to see in the big picture of who and what I am, what I do and how I positively affect the world. Partly due to the physical limitations I have developed. I am just realizing my true power doesn’t require the physical prowess I have always relied on. Actually, that work limits me. I must admit, this next step is mostly due to fear and avoidance.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frighten us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.” ~ Marianne Williamson
I woke up with one goal. Over the course of the day I had at least 12 brilliant ideas that had nothing to do with my one goal. Oh, and I involved three busy friends in one of these brilliant ideas. One was kind enough to tell me my idea was crazy and fun before telling me it wasn’t a thing. Another bluntly said that’s not a thing. Time will tell. Again, I digress. It wasn’t my one goal.
At the bookstore I saw many books, each of them calling me with their beautiful covers inviting me to partake in their contents. Books full of knowledge, but not the book I committed to reading one chapter each day, the one I have cued on my Kindle app that will help me become all I want to be.
And so, here we are, now 9:15 pm. I just wrote 500 words. I finally did it. Perhaps my doodles and dawdles do mean something. Perhaps they were leading me right here, to this very spot. It’s a winding scenic route for sure, not a straight highway. More like a worn down path within a beautiful garden. I will continue to enjoy my life, and I will reach for my goals gently and surely. Perhaps not with the fervor that so many new year resolutions are attempted each January, but in my own gentle yet powerful way. Like a gentle wave urged by an ocean beneath it and the pull of the moon above it. I just have to remember my destination and focus in at some point daily.
In my heart of hearts I know that one day, this awareness will sink down through all of my chakras, infuse into all of my layers, and I will arrive.
I’m on my way. I am Kneading Change.